Use Spotlight questions- Difficult Conversations
4 Steps to a Successful Outcome
The majority of the work in any conflict conversation is work you do on yourself. No matter how well the conversation begins, you’ll need to stay in charge of yourself, your purpose and your emotional energy.
Breathe, center, and continue to notice when you become off-center – and choose to return again.This is where your power lies. By choosing the calm, centered state, you’ll help your opponent/partner to be more centered, too.
Centering is not a step; centering is how you are as you take the steps. (For more on Centering, see the Resource section at the end of the article.)
Cultivate an attitude of discovery and curiosity. Pretend you don’t know anything (you really don’t), and try to learn as much as possible about your opponent/partner and their point of view. Pretend you’re entertaining a visitor from another planet, and find out how things look on that planet, how certain events affect them, and what the values and priorities are there.
If they really were from another planet, you’d be watching their body language and listening for the unspoken energy as well. Do that here. What do they really want? What are they not saying?
Let them talk until they’re finished. Don’t interrupt except to acknowledge. Whatever you hear, don’t take it personally. It’s not really about you. Try to learn as much as you can in this phase of the conversation. You’ll get your turn, but don’t rush it.
You may feel intimidated, belittled, ignored, disrespected, or marginalized, but be cautious about assuming that that was their intention. Impact does not necessarily equal intent.